#23 Sleep

I have an unhealthy relationship with sleep, I've always had this unhealthy relationship with sleeping.  When I was younger I would go to bed knowing that I wouldn't be going to sleep for another few hours.  Usually I would read until my eyes wouldn't stay open any longer.

When I got M.E. I started taking sleeping tablets which I still take sporadically (I'm trying not to get addicted to them).  When I'm in the height of taking the tables I go to bed at the same time every night and I will wake up exactly 10 hours later.  I feel happy and rejuvinated every day, for about a week.  When the sleeping fears kick in again.  I don't know what it is but I just don't want to go to sleep.  No matter how tired I am the thought of going to sleep scares me.  I don't know why.  I know nothing is going to happen while I'm asleep, and once I'm asleep and waking up I feel fine.  It's just when I'm about to go to sleep. I get scared.  Like I said, I don't know why, I don't even know what I'm scared of but it is a feeling that makes going to sleep seem like the last thing I want to do.  So I force myself to stay up late, until I literally can't stop myself falling asleep.  And the next day I feel groggy. 

I know all the sleeping remedies, I follow a routine of going to bed at the same time, reading before sleep etc.  but if I don't take my tablets which effectively zonk me out, I won't go to sleep until I can't put it off any longer. And that's my post for the day.