As you've probably noticed - I don't write here anymore. The reason there was no goodbye post was because it was completely unintentional. I can't, however, bring myself to delete this blog so if you've somehow stumbled upon it, feel free to read it. You may also want to pop on over to Empty Thoughts, Rewritten, my current and active blog. I hope to see you there (and to anyone who had this message come up in their reader, I'm deeply sorry for not saying goodbye previously and I'm incredibly grateful that you are still following me!
Sorry that I seemed to suddenly disappear this week. I had/have a few ideas for blog posts and pictures in mind for this week but unfortunately my internet has been cut off and so until I have sorted this, the blog will have to be put on hold. I'll try to read everyone's posts but I can't guarantee it. I'll miss you all immensely and hope that I will be able to resume blogging asap. In the meantime, sorry.
For a change the reason I haven't been blogging much is because I have actually been busy. Last week Chris and I popped into our new SU bar (with me in my wheelchair). We only stayed for one drink but at least we got out of the house - and I got chatted up by a very drunk/stoned guy. It was there that my camera decided to completely die on me even with the new batteries I'd put in it that morning.
So I've treated myself to a new camera.
The only problem was that I didn't think to buy a new memory card and when we went to the fireworks display on Saturday (again in my wheelchair) we found that my old memory card holds exactly 8 pictures at the quality of the new camera. Now I've bought myself a new memory card (which should hold about 500 pictures) so hopefully I'll have more pictures in the future to show you.
For now, here's few fireworks shots we managed to get before we ran out of space (I didn't take these as there were quite a few heads in front of me, so thank you to John who took them on my behalf).
I think the last one is my favourite and totally sums up fireworks. What did you do this weekend?
This week I've been here there and everywhere. I started the week feeling down and not particularly inspired to do anything, so unfortunately my uni work took a back burner for a few days. But then I managed to do a little shopping on Monday which greatly cheered me up - even if my brain still wouldn't engage - and I sort of started my Christmas shopping.
It wasn't intentional, I still haven't even written out the list of who I need to buy for etc, so it's very unusual for me to start without prepping. But I saw something I knew someone would like and that started it.
Yesterday was a long day, involving shopping, coffee, uni, pub, more shopping, the family planning clinic, dinner (which Chris made and was yummy) and going out in my wheelchair to the new student union. I have to say that despite not knowing anyone and feeling a little subconscious and my camera deciding to stop working, I had a good time. It was nice to leave the house for something other than classes and at least gave me the illusion that I have some sort of social life.
And today I'm feeling quite positive and motivated - though I'm finding trying to work on assignments quite taxing. So I just hope I don't burn out too soon.
Today is Samhain - a festival celebrating the end of the summer and of respecting and remembering all those that have died as a way of commemorating the circle of life and death that is so apparant at this time of year.
So today I want to remember my Grandad who died of cancer a few years ago (I can't remember when exactly). He was always full of life and seemed to have endless energy to play with me and my siblings. And he was full of stories. I regret now not writing them down as he told them as there were so many interesting tales of his time in the war and growing up that are now lost to us.
I will always remember him telling us that he used to eat the skin of oranges during the war to fake a fever (something I've never tried so don't know how true this is). I remember him telling us of doing physical work in the P.O.W (Prisoner of War) camp. I don't remember him ever seeming upset or angry about his time in the war, he always managed to paint it as an adventure.
And my favourite memory - I remember sitting on my Grandad's knee while he sang 'Ride a-cock horse to Bambery Cross' bouncing me up and down. Whenever I think of this song I think of him and the weekends I spent as a child staying round my Grandparents.
This month is Write Pink month and everywhere I have looked I have been confronted with stories about breast cancer - how to prevent it, how to recognize it, statistics and survival stories. Barring the latter this information has done nothing but depress and scare me, creating a downward spiral. It turns out I tick most of the boxes for most likely to get breast cancer - none of which I can do much about. And the statistics really are frightening with how many people get it and how many people die from it.
Now I'm not suggesting for one minute that we stop making people aware of breast cancer and the affect it has on so many lives, but is it really necessary to ram it down our throats to the point that we have to tune out if we want to keep any semblance of sanity in our own lives? Now, it might just be me, but I'm tired of being told that being fat will make it more likely - I would happily do plenty of exercise if I could (seriously, the moment you can't do something you start to crave it, even exercise). I'm tired of being told that my lifestyle is bad of me and will end badly. Maybe it will but I honestly don't have that much control over it, I'm doing the best I can, and I feel bad enough as it is without being reminded constantly that it's not good for me. Trust me, I ALREADY KNOW.
So perhaps, if you really want the message to sink in, don't make everyone feel like they are failing at life - it's hard, accept that. And don't push it and push it until no one is listening anymore as that really doesn't help you in any way.
This week I have a cold. It came about on Wednesday morning - actually, more the night before when the blocked nose woke me and stopped me from getting much sleep. I woke up stiff, achy, unable to breathe with tension headaches. I was not a happy person. And as luck would have it, Wednesday is one of the 2 days I have a lecture, so I couldn't really miss it as that would be like missing a whole week for that subject, which I'm just not going to do.
So I made myself a cup of coffee, dosed up on vitamin C and went to uni. I came home completely shattered but at least I'd remembered to buy myself a pizza for dinner, which Chris cut up for me (I don't know if I'll ever get over how lucky I am to have him). That night I went to bed early. Thankfully I only woke up once or twice.
Thursday was better. I still had the cold but it wasn't affecting my whole body, just my nose and head. So going to uni for 4 hours of learning about Victorian Sex wasn't that bad, and definitely interesting.
And today? I've been resting. My nose hasn't been as annoying but I have general M.E.ness which happens a lot on Fridays as I recover from the chaos uni leaves my body in. I'm tired but motivated which is never fun - who wants to be too ill to do what they've been avoiding, yet now want to do? You see my problem. I don't think that has anything to do with the cold, just the M.E.
I'm 26 and only beginning to find myself. I am many things including a
crafter, a book enthusiast, a writer and a dreamer
but I've spent too long hiding behind these titles; now I am
looking for the girl behind the labels. I am searching for meaning and connection - I love getting to know people and being nosey about their lives - though for now I have to limit this from behind a screen as I suffer from M.E. - thank the gods for the internet!
I blog about all of these things and more at Empty Thoughts, Rewritten (if that's how you found me, please stop and say hi, and if even if you didn't, say hi anyway!).