Reconnect

Sometimes I'm not sure why I'm with Chris (I'm sure that's a terrible thing to say but hear me out).  I remember why I want to be with him but sometimes other things get in the way - the fact that he has to look after me every day, the fact that as school is out neither of us has anything to do all day every day, the fact that I take my moods out on him when I know I really shouldn't.  Somehow we are still together.  And while on many days it can feel like we're just like this because of habit, other times something special happens.  Like last night.

We went to bed as usual but as I had to get up in the morning I skipped my sleeping tablets (the logic is flawed I've now learnt after only 3 hours of sleep - but if I have them and I don't get enough sleep I'm extra groggy).  Because I didn't fall asleep easily we ended up talking and talking.  After about an hour we forced ourselves to stop.  But for that hour I remembered why I love him, how I fell in love with him and why there's hope for us yet.  We didn't talk about anything in specific or anything important.  And that was the magic - we reconnected on a level we haven't in a very long time, too long a time.  We've tried with board games (I can sometimes beat him at chess now).  But we needed to let it happen naturally, organically, by itself.  And we're both so much better off for it.

We can try and force our relationships or we can live them and moments of connecting, of talking late into the night, of a lingering kiss will hopefully weave themselves into our lives.  Making them special for however long they last.